Mania’s Doe
A piece in response to yourdeer’s neck piece from 2011. Pelt from lilmissdoeeyes of deviantart. I have included a photograph of the piece being shown in the 2013 All School Show.
“I do not feel graceful; usually I feel colossally awkward, and something about deer speaks of that awkwardness to me. Being spooked about nothing, the awkward indignation of being disturbed, the skittering flight are all deer. These things are aspects of the romantic stereotype, but I do not perceive them in a romantic way. I do not think being deer makes me mysterious, desirable, or delicate. ” - Yourdeer, 2013
Two quick photos of some silicone claw tests I just did. First time doing a two-part mold in plaster, first time working with silicone, I had to slosh cast, I need to now do a whole hand-paw… a lot of firsts this semester!
:)
Starting work on sculpting a werewolf paw-hand for my next project.
From this, I’m practicing making 2-part plaster molds with the intention of doing a slosh-cast of silicone. I’m practicing on just fingers for now, which is why you can see me detailing them, cutting them off, etc. I have extra hands I cast in case I can do a whole hand, but something makes me think that I can’t use the 2-part mold for a whole hand. I would have to do an injection cast and I’m not skilled enough yet to try that in the next few days. The clay work is fun, though!
I’ll be coloring/painting detail on the silicone itself, not sure yet if I’m going to fur the silicone gloves or do some other process to have another texture. For now I’m thinking more of just getting the look right of having paw pads and claws. I don’t know where I’ll go with this but I’m happy to be learning this process.
Tonight is the last night I’ll have before presenting my coyote hat project to class tomorrow. What a learning experience! I have missed throwing myself into new materials and projects like this.
I’ll post a final photo or two once I get a chance to not only shoot the work but perhaps find a time to go for a good walk with it. I’ll probably also write up some more thoughtful statements on the process and motivation for the work.
Send love to Naturepunk, by the way, as she’s the reason why I am doing this piece in the first place.
I think one the the best things I am giving myself this year is the chance to challenge myself about my animality. I wake up every day to myself in transition, to many more articles to read (such as about lycanthropy, phantom limbs, dehumanization, transhumanism, prosthetics, otherkin history), and to the many projects I have before me for my senior degree work. While I have so much to learn and a lot I’m going to probably fail at, I feel confident that right now this is the direction I need to go in.
These are in progress shots of my coyote hat. I have completely underestimated the truth that it is really hard to work with a shoddy tanning job. I can’t seem to safely get the cartilage out of the ears without ripping the hide, the nose/muzzle barely is working out (I think my form is ultimately too big and I noted too late), the lips were never turned and I couldn’t seem to release them, the nose itself wouldn’t soften up, and I can only hope that in the next few days I’ll be able to work out the eyes and ears being alright. From there, I can do some leatherworking to make myself a front strap and make sure the hat is hidden from view.
There is something very humbling working this way. While I’ve owned fur for a long time as a collection, there is something very different about manipulating it as a material. I cannot compare the experience of working with once-living flesh over how much I have worked in metal, a material made from fire and geological activity that was ripped from the earth by the hands of someone likely not paid enough. This particular coyote comes from New York State and seems to have likely lived a normal coyote life up until dying. I saw no evidence of being clubbed to death or otherwise being unhealthy. I imagine the miner is suffering more.
THERIAN/OTHERKIN RELATED RESEARCH
CLICK THE LINK to see a pdf of what I read. It’s a google doc! if you need .doc let me know privately.
I quickly organized the articles and books I read this summer while I was beginning my research for things around the ideas of therians/otherkin in relation to what I am curious about. It is heavy in terms of phantom limbs, psychology, prosthetics, and coyotes. Someone else may find my research interesting and if you have things I should read, let me know about it. Really. And if you have read anything I have read and want to talk to me about it, message me here or email me reddogdied@gmail.com
One book on the back burner is Surface Encounters: Thinking with Animals and Art. I read a chapter in and it hurts my soul to keep reading but I’m going to push through it. I think it’s a piece of crap so far so I’ll likely write up a proper review.
For New England Therians/Otherkin
A New England Howl occurred August 5th in Cambridge, Massachusetts. The group met at the Harvard Museum of Natural History and then went out for lunch. There were only 7 attendants and were a mixed group of therians and otherkin. They are keeping in touch via a facebook group called “New England Howlers” and the url is here: http://www.facebook.com/groups/193804347416213/.
Myself and your-deer helped organize it on the werelist, and some others managed to get it on Facebook to find a few more folk. We’ll probably meet up again in the next few months. If you are in the New England area and are curious about making meet up plans, you should visit the facebook page.
Please keep in mind that the group is for meeting up, not necessarily general discussion. Also, remember that minors will always need parental attendance. We’re just some folk from the internet after all.
Your-deer: On Creating Self: A Thoroughly Human Animal
It is interesting that I should see this quote very shortly after having a conversation with Coyoteisaboy about this very topic.
The quote. Because it was a rather torn-up blockquote, I still haven’t been able to find the original poster:
The part about otherkin that I do not understand is…
Our conversation in question was about wording. I personally don’t care if someone labels me, but, when I personally think about words I use to identify myself to myself, I am fairly picky now. I wasn’t always. I don’t know if my way is best. I do however wonder about how these words affect a person’s behavior.
Lets take the word Otherkin, “Kin to the Other”. This implies your identity is something else and you see yourself as other.
Therianthropy, therion and Anthropos (beast and human respectively). It means human-animal. It is to me a more serious sounding word for a condition or mythos or something because of the greek reference. There is history there.
Animal Person (or, dragon person, wolf person, elf person, etc). This means human and animal/other as well but does so using more common words. It is blend. I am this and this.
Nonhuman, or, I am not human. This is rejecting humanity in the word itself.
As plenty of people before me who have created the trends of using these words, they had reasons for them. I tend to use animal person (and be specific, calling myself a canine person) as I am human and animal. I am animal in my own biological right, and, I see a filter of my understanding as canine. It is hard for me myself to use Otherkin only because canines are not my true kin - the are a shared kin. Therianthropy works for me as I feel the word “beast” actually can be applied to my experiences - I see myself more of a werebeast than a quadrupedal animal. It is, however, a word not really known outside of the community and I try to avoid using it when just explaining myself to someone new. Nonhuman isn’t appropriate.
After we talked about that, I felt that we had questions about who we are lumped with by taking on a label. For instance, myself and another person could use the word “Therianthropy” to describe our experiences and mean vastly different things. I can be more specific and say that I have bipolar so I believe my therianthropy is psychological but the word itself doesn’t separate those experiences. I think that I may have more in common with someone who has to use the word otherkin to describe themselves as they may be mythical or from fiction but perhaps they feel a psychological reason is befitting. Maybe they also feel like a blend. I wish we had labels, if we were to have them, not to talk about “shifting or not” but are you in distress or are you a blend of human and animal. Do you have animal/other multiples? These are real differences between our experiences. Do you believe you were a bobcat in a past life? I personally don’t believe I was. But, even still, the issues that bobcat person might have could very well still be more similar to my own regardless of what they think has caused it. That bobcat person could also feel they are now a two spirit person and are happy to live as human.
I want to briefly mention however that I am truly respectful and understanding of those who do have species dysmorphia or dysphoria and believe they are locked in their own bodies. As a transgender person, I do understand how people within that community feel when they cannot be who they believe they are. I personally do not feel much issue with my body in a way that causes me distress, whether gender related or animal related. I can only sympathize at a distance and recognize we are having different experiences.
I hear in blogs or podcasts frustrations of others struggling with integrity, species dysmorphia and dysphoria, they struggle with terminology, and ultimately as many have put out there before me, we end up communicating less.
This is a good start though, really. I’m glad I have words to chew on and concepts to question. Words aren’t my specialty but I hope that by putting myself out there a little we can encourage more specificity and comfort in just sharing our experiences.
Therian Jewelry
I have seen a lot of basic therian jewelry, so, I’ve decided that step by step I am going to try to define a material culture for myself that isn’t just appropriation of other stuff and tries to involve good craft. First, I thought I’d try my hand at the theta-delta symbol incorporated with etched drawings. I have done two of these so far and at this point I realize that while I have the construction down pat I don’t know what people want for the necklace portion.
So, tumblr therians. Could you tell me what kinds of pendant necklaces you like? Do you like cords, chains, or something different? What kinds of clasping mechanisms? Do you have allergies? I would love thoughts, not “likes”, please. I plan on selling commissions of these through here and deviantart this summer and I want to know what I should order for supplies. I also would like to mention that the etching I do is not possible in silver or sterling silver. I pretty much can only work with copper, brass, or nickel silver.
Also, if you have had ideas for therian or otherkin jewelry but don’t know anyone who could make it for you/etc, I may be interested. I might not even charge you to make it. I am really more interested in making and learning and sharing if it is a great new idea.
Context
I thought I should briefly talk about my context as an animal person/therian and why I am making work. Any of what I have written you may ask me questions about or push me to expand upon - I joined this blog and have been slowly becoming more active online again because I believe in communcation and being as much of an open book as I can so that I can do good things with others. I don’t know what that means yet, but, with time I hope it leads me to likeminded folk.
I am a canine person. I understand that my sense of being a therian is due to me being bipolar. I saw a quote recently by someone on the werelist that does a good job describing what I think happened to me while I was dealing with my first bipolar episodes around age 11. Essentially they found out about the idea of therianthropy at a critical time when they were in need of understanding themselves. In my case, I needed an explaination for my mood swings and mental states. Since my earliest memories I have always felt the way my brain functioned and processed emotions was very different from my family and most of my friends at the time. In short, just when I was starting to realize my ‘playing pretend’ outside was as serious to me as my ability to rationally control my emotions was deteriorating, I labeled myself a red wolf. This was around 2002. I more frequently identify with eastern coyote at this point, but, to me it is not taxonomical. I do not mentally shift anymore due to taking my medication for bipolar, and this has ruined my ability to understand what I am feeling as an animal person other than hazard a guess at “canine”. I only experience phantom senses daily. I generally feel as though taking care of being bipolar has stripped away what were my ‘mental shifts’ and sense of knowing myself. I do not feel species dysphoria, but I do feel a longing for my old mental states at times. Taking lithium daily has so far limited my ability to feel extreme emotional states in general. I hope that over time I can recover them safely and perhaps know myself anew with a richer range of emotions.
I wish to make work for animal people, and truly to encompass the non-human identity which in some ways includes the wide spectrum of lives and experiences, because we need it. We do not have fine arts representation, really, by fine artists who are otherkin or therians outright. I have struggled for a decade to write about who I am and I basically have realized this is not the best medium for me to express myself. I feel more me in the photos of myself I have submitted here and the drawings I have made than in the words I am writing now. I hope that my drawings, sculptures, and photographs will inspire others to use their body and craft to explore what we feel. I do not know if I can make work to describe how others feel, but, I hope in tackling the self portrait I can carve a path for others to do the same. Language starts when two people start communicating and I want to use my craft to communicate that which I cannot do in the written word.
I also need to better live my life acknowledging my identity and needs. I have struggled to include my trans identity, therianthropy, and bipolar identity in any of my work even though they are the three most influencial pieces of who I am. Because talking in written word is not the best way for me to communicate, I have largely ignored these things while I have been learning metalsmithing and the world of sculpture and illustration. I hope that by taking on the challenge of forcing myself to tell others who I am through my craft, I will better understand who I am and what I need on a daily level. For now, I barely understand what it means to bodily feel canine. Phantom sensations have been confusing enough that right there I feel I could make years of work in explorations.
I also hope that in learning how to do this, I will meet others who wish to follow a similar path with me. I hope that if they find this blog, they would be willing to meet me in real life and consider making larger art projects about what it means to be an animal person or otherkin/nonhuman.
I make not to necessarily confirm that I am an animal person because there is no need for confirmation. I make because I am a self-made person who believes in invoking and exploring what you are. I make because I want to make in the context of those who are like me and to converse about what similarities and differences we have. I make to communicate. I am trying to communicate not what I am but what I am doing with who I am. I want you to know how I am handling my identity and what part of my life it influences and enriches or hinders and the experiences therein.
What it means to me may not be what it means to others but that does not stop me from wanting to use my skills to speak for a larger group of people who may want to work with others who may understand them better. It may mean that those who are involved in activism may collaborate with me so I can help them spread their message.
If you know of works I should know about, artists, or if you ever want to work with me, please contact me. Email always works: reddogdied@gmail.com
I hope this helps in understanding why I am making these works.
